the holidays

I don't feel the need to have everything be perfect this year. It feels less stressful. I think all will be well. I may not have all my cookies baked, I may buy some of the food pre-made, my house may not be perfectly neat and tidy, and if Ken makes me crazy, I have zanax to get me through!

marriage

this barbie has been married twice. The first one lasted 9 years, this one so far 10. One thing that I have learned is that it is constantly changing. Feelings change. My Aunt told me once that it's a love-hate thing and I agree. It's not easy. you have to compromise so much! There will be a big chunk of time where every day all I can think about is leaving and how nice it would be to live on my own. Then in the blink of an eye, I'm back to being ok with being married. I actually start to like him again. It is so strange.

Sourdough bread

When I lived in Milwaukee many years ago, there was a bakery called Dugans on Oakland Avenue. They had the best sourdough bread. Then I moved and every time I would visit Milwaukee I would pick up a few loaves. Then one day they were closed. I haven't had a good loaf since. About a month ago, I sent for some starter from San Francisco. It's a hassle, you have to "feed" it every day. Take a cup of the mixture out and add water and flour. So, not wanting to waste a good cup of sourdough starter, I've been baking lot's of other things, like muffins and cakes. Well, I've got the time, it keeps me busy. Since losing one of my jobs teaching exercise, due to them losing some county funding.... Baking keeps me from getting bummed out about such things. Plus I am saving us money by baking all of our bread! I also love to experiment. It's fun.

Motherhood and work

Since yesterday was Mothers Day I thought I'd write a few comments. All I ever wanted to be was a Mom. Never really had any career goals, but do like being artistic and self-employed. I do not think that my parents encouraged me at all to have a career. They probably just expected me to get married and have a family. I am glad that I had my kids young. It's almost ironic that I ended up being divorced and a single Mom, as marriage was not really high on my priorities either. I really enjoyed raising my kids and they have always been awesome from the moment they were born. Now that they are adults, it just keeps getting better! My daughter is a mother herself and such a great Mom too. She makes me Proud! My son is always having interesting adventures, I love it! I have always worked, sometimes not full time, but always managed to make ends meet somehow. I would say that I am not typical. I doubt if I will ever really retire as I don't have much money to retire on! I have always been pretty frugal, so I guess I'll just keep that going until the day I die! I wish I were a little more computer savvy so that I could figure out how to get more people to comment, or write about themselves on my blog.

because I'm in my 50's

I started this blog because I feel that being in my 50's is a real turning point in life. It's a good place for the most part. I usually don't do too many things that I don't want to anymore. I speak my mind more frequently, although some people don't like that! One thing that is a little scary, is that there were so many things that I wanted to do in my life and it's not really looking that hopeful for a lot of them! Perhaps I set my goals too high! Anybody out there feeling the same way at all? I see that 10 years have gone by in my marriage. It's a lot different from where we started. Not sure what to make of it. I love being friends with my children! Glad that I had them young! I like the empty nest now! I'm not sure that I like the way I look. I can't decide on short or long hair. I know I have to age and I accept that, except I'm not ready to have grey hair! I rarely shave my legs. I'm much more political than I was, but I think while I was raising kids, I was just way too busy to pay attention to much else, as I had to support us too. Life is good, my life has been good at every stage, not sure why aging has such a bad rap!

positive steps

I've decided to join the 21st century and put myself out there! I created an ETSY shop! barbieszenhouse. It took me a long time to figure it out and had to get my son in law, Jason, to help me with sizing pictures, but I DID IT! And to my surprise, I sold something the first week! My next mission will be to create a website.
A friend the other night asked me if I liked not working a "real" job. I had to admit, yes, I do. I've always liked being self-employed, being creative, and having my own hours, which are usually more than working a job! Most often, I make much less money, which has never been that important to me. I will have to deal with not having health insurance too. I may just get an accident policy or something. I was so hoping for a better plan from our govt. Then self employed people could get competitive health insurance. Perhaps some day.....
AS for my marriage, at the moment, we are doing OK. It is a constant struggle, like I said before, I do like being alone, and mens habits annoy me so much! I feel like after 10 years, we've really changed, and I must admit, that I was so lovestruck when we got married that I didn't really know quite a few things about him.....and his family....
Plus, there were things that I wanted to accomplish in my life, and some of them don't include dragging around a husband!
I feel lucky though, Rich is such a good guy.
I know many women feel as I do, and it is always up and down, changes, going with the flow, compromising.....
So, this is how I feel today!
Life is good!

The bitch in the house

I just finished reading this book, THE BITCH IN THE HOUSE, edited by Cathi Hanauer. It is full of short stories by women writers. When I first saw this book a few years ago, I bought it, because I feel like I am a bitch in my house. Well, I finally got to the point where I couldn't stand myself anymore, so I read the book. I am not alone! All these women became bitches too, one way or another! It was interesting to see how they all dealt with it. Subjects ranging from boyfriend issues, to being fat, Mothers, affairs, and much much more! I came away feeling a lot better about my situation and realizing that we all have our moments! It can't be helped!

hear what I say.

My friend Mary just posted this on facebook and I loved the dialog that is going on, so thought I would put it in my blog! Enjoy!

Mary Last week I asked, "what happens in the space between "yes" and "no"? Now I ask the question, "what happens in the space between what I say and what a certain somebody hears"? Is there some kind of warp thing going' on?
Yesterday at 3:45pm · Comment · Like
Sheila likes this.

Barbara Yep, I believe so, particularly if it's being heard by a man. Oh, did I say that?
Yesterday at 10:36pm ·

Pattie Sometimes they hear what I say, not what I mean
6 hours ago

Nikki Sometimes I hear what I want to hear, and sometimes I hear what you're not saying ;)
4 hours ago

Uta anything can happen.......also a lot of stuff you have nothing to do with, never said, never intended, never thought.....verrrrrrry interesting.
2 hours ago

Barbara Weiland French Agness I love these posts! They are worthy of another venue!
2 seconds ago ·

Barbie dolls at Target

So, I took my 6 year old Granddaughter to Target and we were in the Barbie doll dept. I was absolutely floored by the new dolls that they had displayed at my eye level, obviously not for the kids? The Barbie in the Little black dress. Of course, I thought they were pretty awesome, and had i had some spare money, would have bought the whole lot of them and all the groovy accessories! I had another temptation about a month ago, I was at Tuesday morning and they had a Harley Barbie that I have always wanted, but why? I am trying to get rid of stuff, not collect more stuff! Of course, I could always say, that I was collecting them for my grandkids, right? I still have my Barbie and ken, Midge and Skipper and the Dream house, and have been doing photo shoots with them lately. If I can figure out how to post pictures on here, I will do it! It was so much fun! I still like to play dolls!

Lost jobs

Even when I was still working at the bookstore,(until it closed) women would come in and talk, many of them lost their jobs and felt that they were really being discriminated against because of their age, experience and previous pay. It's tough to lose a good job in your 50's. Now what? I almost think that I may have to come up with something more, and remain self-employed. I am considering contacting some current shops, to see if they could rent out a portion that I could set up displays of things to sell. I don't really want a full time shop, but if a perfect opportunity arose, I guess I would consider it. There are a lot of art galleries around here, but none that are exclusive to pottery, and I happen to know quite a few of these! Just thinking out loud.

Inspirational Girlfriends

I had a wonderful day meeting with one girlfriend for lunch and another for coffee. Both inspire me, both are very creative, positive energy people. How lucky I am to have friends like this! I am considering starting an art group, like Kristi started years ago with some new local gals. Hopefully we could inspire each other. I know that I need some sort of jump start to being creative again. Thank you, Kristi, thank you Sharon!

Super bowl game day!

In the past this would have been an excuse to have a party. We haven't been invited to a party, nor am I having one. The reason that I am not having one, is because we don't have a large new-fangled TV. I think in this day and age, it is essential for a Super bowl party. I'm pretty sure that there would be a party going on for us somewhere if the Packers were playing. That is a given.
Well, it will be just the boring two of us, eating soup, and hopefully at least watching it together..... Go Saints!

"Committed"

Wow, after I wrote my last post I was driving to my class and on public radio, Kathleen Dunn had the author, Elizabeth Gilbert on her show. She just wrote a new book called "Committed". I did not hear the entire interview, but I think she was talking about the positives "in her life" to being married. I believe she is newly married. She also wrote "Eat, Pray. Love" a book that I just could not get through, as I thought it was really boring. I've already been through the process of "finding myself." It's an ongoing process. But, I think that I could also use some positive energy regarding marriage, since I am married. The thing that I find difficult is I am a very independent person, and need lots of space. I also feel stifled artistically with my husband around. Or maybe I don't have enough space, I'm not really sure what it is, my HEAD?

Another girlfriend ditching married life!

What is happening? The dream that every gal dreams of having a man in her life, is not what it's all cracked up to be apparently. In the past few weeks, two of my good friends have left their husbands. We all talk about it, think about it, dream of the peace and quiet of living alone. There are so many benefits, not having to nag about all the little habits these men possess. We would have more time to do what we want. We could listen to music instead of TV. The list goes on and on. I remember when I left my first husband I couldn't wait to NOT have to do his laundry anymore. When we leave a huge weight is lifted. We find Peace. We have more fun.